Tragic

1.26.10.

Wow. Blogger is fixed again?

Feeling kind of tragic with revelations of tonight. There's a quiet sort of hysteria rising up with me and I don't know if it's confusion or despair or disgust or grasping at straws I was never meant to have, straws I never tasted, straws I don't really need. Just because I'm selfish and curious.

Awkward turtle babies of a quarter million.

Why am I so sad about this? I don't get it, don't get myself. I know I've moved on, but... I DONT KNOW. I'm just drowning in this in this quiet sort of hysteria rising up in me and i don't know if it's confusion or despair or disgust or grasping at straws I was never meant to have, straws I never tasted, straws I don't really need.

If I were a character in a book, like in Lovely Bones, for example. Alice and Susie would have all the answers all the explanations all the understanding for these feelings and movements that I can't even begin to untangle.

WHAT IS IT WHAT IS IT?? I need someone to give me a slap in the face with reality. TELL ME WHAT AM I MISSING? There's something out of reach, something I know I can't see. :'C

why can't i ever be free from this?